im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
