Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
