I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
