it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
