Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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