I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
