yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
