I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Rumble strips road head = magical
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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