Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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