mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
