so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
