No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
