Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
