...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
