Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize