thus making me awesome and them whores
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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