I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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