Kiss
Puke
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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