i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
