No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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