Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
