Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
