Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
