I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
