I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize