I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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