Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
