so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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