I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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