I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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