Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
