We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
