people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i came on her dog
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
