yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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