I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
