We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
