Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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