It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
