I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
