I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize