I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She said her name was "party"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize