Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
