dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Also, beer. Big fan.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
