i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
