I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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