so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize