he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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