these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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