"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
