I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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