im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
