I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
