I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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