It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
