Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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