i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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