I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
