I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
