you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
two words: eviction party
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
