Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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