We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
