i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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