I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
