We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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