im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So many bounce houses so little time
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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