I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
