Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
